After finally being sexually active I'm now paranoid about being pregnant. Yeah, even after just 3 days of doing it. Well I'm gaining some weight and my breasts are tender and swollen and I have some tiny red spots in my panty liners. So there you go.

Hopefully I’m not pregnant but if I am I guess it will be fine. I will not jump for joy but I’ll definitely be happy about it. I’m in my late 20s and I think I’m matured enough to take care of someone else other than myself. I’m also financially stable so I guess money won’t be a problem.

Definitely I will not marry my boyfriend even if he asks or begs me to. I thought about this a long time ago. I don’t want to get married for the wrong reasons. I want to get married because I truly love my partner and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and hopefully vise versa.

Sex is overrated.

It wasn’t the toe-curling, mind-blowing experience like the way it was described in books or how it was depicted in movies. I particularly remember the character of Allie in The Notebook after finally having sex with Noah “You gotta be kidding me. All this time, that’s what I’ve been missing?” Since then I’ve been constantly thinking of what was that thing that I’m missing.

At last, I’m not missing it anymore.

We did it last night. Or I think it was in the wee hours of the morning already. And we did it again this morning.

We spent the night in Tagaytay after our Christmas party. It was the second time we spent the night together but nothing happened the first night, we just did some cuddling and just make out. This time while we were making out he really pleaded that he wanted to do it now. He asked more than three times before I could finally say yes, my heart won over my stubborn logical mind. I love him so much and I wanted to make him happy, I think I’m old enough (yeah definitely!) to be doing it and I’m on pills again (prescribed by my dermatologist due to acne problems) so no worries bout me getting pregnant.

The experience was really painful. We had to try more than five times before he could finally get inside me. Even when my boyfriend was being really gentle, it still hurts a lot. I wanted to enjoy the experience but I can’t because I was really in pain. My boyfriend was being real patient and understanding with me, he never forces himself in and he always asked how I feel. I cannot describe the feeling, it’s somewhere between having to take a pee or about to fart. It wasn’t really the sensation that I’m expecting or what I have formulated in my mind all these years. And I think I’m allergic to the condom that my boyfriend used because I felt some burning sensation down there (not in a good way) which further aggravated the situation.

Even though I didn’t enjoy my first time experience, I’m glad I did it with him. No regrets there. I’m so looking forward to our next copulation. I’m pretty sure it will all be better.

He was my first and I hope he will be my last. A girl can always dream.

Sadness overwhelms me.

There's the problem with my car. Someone is scratching his paint/body from bumper to rear and it happened twice already. Not sure if someone is just pulling a not so nice prank or someone has a personal vendetta against me. And my 2 side mirrors were also stolen..

Then there's the boyfriend who is very patient, very loving and sweet and makes me laugh all the time just that he couldn't quite meet my super high standards..

I really don't know what I want..